Conflict, when managed properly, can be an opportunity to deepen our relationships with others. However, this requires a contained and structured approach. There are three key principles that determine whether conflict will be resolved, and all parties involved must agree to these principles before beginning any conflict resolution process.
Conflict resolution principles are summarised as follows:
- Mutual Interest in Maintaining the Relationship: Both parties must agree that they have an interest in maintaining the relationship, whether it is personal or professional. If one party is not interested in continuing the relationship, the ability to resolve the conflict becomes null and void. The willingness to stay connected is fundamental to finding a resolution.
- No One Holds the Monopoly on Truth: With eight billion people on earth, everyone has their own version of the truth. No single person’s view is 100% accurate. We must recognise and accept that people perceive, process, and experience things in their own unique ways. This requires us to be open to stepping out of our own shoes and into theirs to gain insight into their perspective. Understanding that truth is subjective helps in bridging gaps and finding common ground.
- Openness to Growth and Feedback: Growth is not easy, but it is essential for personal development. If we want to grow as individuals, we need to be open to receiving feedback. This openness allows us to learn from our experiences and improve our interactions with others.
Steps to Conflict Resolution:
- Gain Agreement and Set Safety Rules: Begin by ensuring that all parties agree to the principles and establish safety rules to create a secure environment for open dialogue.
- Say It All / Throw All Your Arrows: Each side gets a turn to state their case fully. This step involves expressing all thoughts and feelings related to the conflict without interruption.
- Identify What Hit Home & Own the Grains of Truth: Reflect on what was said and acknowledge the valid points made by the other party. Owning the grains of truth in their perspective is crucial for mutual understanding.
- Agree on Next Steps (Way Forward): Collaboratively decide on the actions to be taken moving forward. This step involves setting clear and achievable goals to resolve the conflict and improve the relationship.
The Dos and Don’ts of Conflict Resolution:
- Do state your views clearly.
- Do say all that you want to say.
- Don’t repeat what you have already said.
- Don’t defend.
- Don’t play tennis (i.e., avoid back-and-forth arguments).
Conflict Resolution is a great opportunity to deepen connection, promote understanding and build sustainable relationships.
Eunice Liefferink
Conflict Resolution Specialist
